Bad Writing
The first two opening statements are truisms. Obviously, there are individuals in our society with thoughts and feelings. Just by reading the first few lines, any educated reader can determine that this paragraph does not begin with a strong message, or any message at all. This passage violates rules, two, five, six and seven, to the up most extreme. First, the passage could use some serious re-wording throughout the entire paragraph. The use rhetorical questions are ineffective and unnecessary. The passage is so confusing to read, i could hardly follow the thought process at all. It seemed as though there were just random sentence pieced together with no real though for the readers. Also, it appears the writer enjoyed using his thesaurus throughout the passage...
This passage is basically all hype. It takes no logical direction and uses large words to seem intelligent. It's one large run-on-sentence with no real subject matter.
Once again, the use of rhetorical questions have no effect on the reader what-so-ever. Personally, i am not a science orientated person at all. Thus his question about science experiments creating emotions in people goes right over my head, and i'm sure i am not alone. In the beginning the writer mentions a science experiment, near the end, he relates god filling the gap for a lost parent. Also, there is no source for any of his facts about Freud. Both Topics are completely separate and the middle of the passage does not effectively connect the two ideas together.
Good Writing
This passage is a considered good writing because it explains a topic with effect use of language and doesn't attempt to seem overly intelligent. Its very straight forward, sweet and simple. The topic sentence, the middle and the conclusion all relate to one and other and make perfect sense. The author also avoids using long sentences to explain himself.
Though the passage is short and sweet, it gives you some good insight and some information that you may not have known. The writer also avoids using complex words in order to appear intelligent. I've noticed the that there is a common theme between all the examples of good writing, they all have the exact same characteristics, they all use affective word choices. Also, each sentence compliments one and another.
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Hey Paige. I think you've done a really good job of fully explaining yourself. You touched on everything that needed to be mentioned. Only thing to think about in the future is to make sure you capitalize "I" - it isn't a coupe times, which is a tad bit annoying. Otherwise, I think this is a really good entry.
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